I don't usually put up a post on a Saturday, but I've been meaning to write this for a while and I think I should just go ahead and write it. This might be quite disjointed and awkwardly written, but it's difficult for me to articulate properly how I feel, so I hope you find it relatively easy to read.
I've written a post similar to this in the past, but I felt as though I needed to write another post, talking about the future of this blog. I started this blog when I was around 14 or 15 and I am now 19 and in my second year at uni studying fine arts. As to be expected, I have changed quite a bit in those past 5 or so years, so it comes as no surprise that my content will reflect this change.
While I love make up and beauty and still enjoy writing about these topics, I sometimes find myself having this slight existential crisis, where I begin to think "What is the point of talking about these things?!" And a small voice in my head says, "Nobody cares Albertine.." I realise that this blog also doesn't have the biggest audience compared to others, so I don't get a lot of comments from readers about what they would like to see in regards to posts.
I guess another factor in this conflict I often find myself amongst is the fact that I am now studying towards having a career in fine art and I sometimes feel that the 'artist' side of me doesn't quite work alongside the 'blogger' side of me. I enjoy doing a lot of different things, but I don't feel they all fit into one person, which, yes, sounds very bizarre.
This next bit might sound a bit weird, but please bear with me. When I say that I don't feel like these different 'sides' of me fit into one person, I think of it more as different 'aesthetics'. I don't mean aesthetics as in just the look or style of something, but rather I mean aesthetic in the sense of how I display myself in this role ie. the role of 'Artist Albertine' or the role of 'Blogger Albertine' and the general 'vibe' it gives off. I'm sorry if this is confusing, I didn't realise how difficult this would be to try and write out!!
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that all these different aesthetics of mine seem to clash and I have to kind of hop between each one. When I write a post, I sometimes (but not all the time) find myself trying to fit into what I think a beauty blogger should be and write as I think one should write. While I do enjoy this aesthetic of a beauty blogger, I sometimes feel like I am pretending or putting on an act. I don't always feel like 'Artist Albertine' is good at being 'Blogger Albertine'.
Because I study fine arts as a university degree, I find myself most often in 'Artist Albertine' mode, and because of this, It can be hard to try and switch back into 'Blogger Albertine' mode to write my blogposts. This is why I don't always post as regularly as I would like to. I guess this is a similar way of saying that I don't always feel inspired to post.
I think the only way to really solve this bizarre identity dilemma is to acknowledge the different aspects of myself and what I enjoy, and incorporate this into my blog posts. Instead of just writing about beauty products post after post, I want to start writing about the other things, such as art - both mine and others, things and people that inspire me etc. I want my blog to be a place where I can explore all of these different aesthetics and create some sort of unity amongst them. I realise that with posting about things other than just beauty, I will have a lot of people unfollow me, but I think I just have to realise that this is okay, and other people will follow me for the content I am currently putting out. A lot of beauty bloggers have unfollowed me on instagram, which did make me feel a little shitty, but instead of focusing on them, I need to focus on the people who have stuck around for me, not just my content.
Also, if you are reading this, I would love for you to comment on my blog posts, and give me feedback. What would you like to hear my opinion on? Is there something you'd like me to look into and maybe write a post about? I don't want to feel like I'm just talking to no one. I know you guys are there and I'd love to chat with you all. So please, say hi! I'm nice, I will reply! haha!
In regards to my art, I was also thinking of making another blog/website, dedicated just to that. This year, I've been fortunate enough to have been involved in some pretty awesome art events and shows and I feel like I need to have a separate site for my work. That way, when people google my name in the search for my art, they can go to a site that is just for that, and they don't have to sift through my posts on here.
Anyway, there will probably be more I want to add to this post, but this is it for now. Thank you if you have made it to the end of this very odd post, I really appreciate you listening to the slightly more refined version of the jumble that is my mind. If you have any comments about this topic, please leave them down below or feel free to email me (check the side bar) and I will get back to you as soon as I can.